When I was younger, I was kind of the class clown, always trying to get the class to laugh and doing my quirky thang. However, after I was hit with the classic: “yeah…so you’re no longer cool, so we aren’t friends anymore” bit right before high school, I stopped embracing my foolish side.
I came to Holy Cross super shy, super quiet, and super uncomfortable with the idea of making a fool of myself. I tried to be this picture perfect version of myself who made no mistakes and never tripped up the stairs.
One day during my first year here, I was idly painting a clay bowl at a weekend event (let’s bring this back, yes?) and having a very normal conversation with the people sitting at my table. A sophomore guy I had never met before was sitting across from me and he kind of tilted his head as I spoke.
So, naturally, I froze. And then I freaked. I had done all the right things! I had barely talked the entire time, had nodded appropriately, and even smiled when warranted. Why was he staring at me?!
“Do you sing? You sound like you can sing, like an Alicia Keys kind of vibe. You should audition for Fools On The Hill,” he said.
I kind of blacked out from there, because the entire conversation was making me very anxious and I knew I was no Alicia Keys! However, I agreed to audition, thinking that he would forget and I would continue blending in on campus. A week later, though, I saw him in the cafeteria and he told me he couldn’t wait to see me at my audition time.
So, I auditioned. Then, I got in.
And I slowly remembered how FREEING it is to be FOOLISH. Fools On The Hill was filled with loving, hilarious, talented human beings who made me feel valued every day. We all shared foolish facts about ourselves, without judgement! We sang at the top of our lungs and voice cracks were welcomed! It was refreshing, cleansing even. I remembered that I didn’t have to be wholly put together all the time, that my faults came together to make me who I am.
Cliche? Maybe. But beautiful, nonetheless.
So thank you to this wonderful group, to each and every member over the past four years, for reminding me that it is not foolish to love yourself.
